Iranians Who Hacked Trump Say They Did Not Find Even a Concept of a Plan
TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—Iranian hackers who accessed Donald J. Trump’s computers revealed on Monday that they were unable to obtain even a concept of a plan. “We spent days searching for a plan, and when we came up empty, we tried looking for a concept of one,” the chief Iranian hacker said. “All we found was bullshit.” The Iranians also searched for the identity of the Taliban official named “Abdul” mentioned by Trump during the last debate, but to no avail. “The closest we could find was a reference to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who Trump called ‘overrated,’” the hacker said. Further frustrating the Iranians, much of the material by Trump was in a language not identifiable as English. Vote for Trump’s Biggest Loser!Getty Images It’s TBR contest time once again! Read the roundup of the most ridiculous candidates Trump has endorsed and vote for the biggest loser here.TBR Debate Live Chat!As a premium feature for paid subscribers, I’m hosting a live chat during Tuesday night’s VP debate. Join me and your fellow TBR readers as we watch JD Vance make himself even more despised!Paid subscribers will receive an invitation to the chat via email right before the debate. Hope to see you then!Announcing my Election Therapy Show!I’m returning to the wonderful McCarter Theatre in Princeton, NJ for one night only on October 26. I’ll be offering an evening of election therapy when we’ll all need it most. Tickets are now on sale here. |
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