Bezos Offers WaPo Journalists $50 Amazon Gift Cards not to Quit
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Desperate to halt the growing exodus from the Washington Post, on Thursday Jeff Bezos offered fleeing staffers $50 Amazon gift cards in exchange for not quitting. The profusely sweating oligarch was spotted in the lobby of the former newspaper, gift cards fanned out in his hand like a bouquet. As journalists lugging file boxes brushed past him, Bezos raised his offer to a one-year membership in Amazon Prime. “You people need to get over a free press,” he barked at a Pulitzer winner. “I’m offering free shipping.” TBR Question of the Day: What should panicky Bezos offer WaPo staffers next? Leave your comment below:Democracy Dies When Cowardly Billionaires Own Newspapers: Support The Borowitz Report by Subscribing Today. |
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