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Mike Johnson Opts for Medically Induced Coma to Avoid Swearing in New Democratic Congresswoman
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “the nuclear option,” House Speaker Mike Johnson opted on Tuesday to enter a medically induced coma to avoid swearing in newly elected Democratic congresswoman Adelita Grijalva.
Johnson spoke to reporters at Walter Reed Army Medical Center moments before doctors administered pentobarbital through an intravenous tube connected to his left hand.
“I’m doing this as a last resort,” he said. “I was really hoping that people would forget about the Epstein files or that the Rapture would happen, but no such luck.”
A Republican colleague who visited Johnson’s bedside hours after he fell into the coma said that the Speaker “seemed like his usual self.”
With Sen. Adam Schiff in New York City. (Ben Gabbe/Getty Images for The New Yorker)
ONLY A FEW TICKETS LEFT! Let’s keep the No Kings energy going! This Friday I’ll be offering the FINAL PERFORMANCE of An Evening of Sanity at the lovely McCarter Theatre Center in Princeton, NJ.—an easy train ride from NYC.
It’ll be a mix of comedy, conversation, and Q & A with the audience. Plus, I’ll be signing books afterward, so I’ll get a chance to meet you! Grab your tickets here:
As corporate media bend their knee to our senile wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
British rider Chris Froome launched one of his blistering mountain attacks to win the Criterium du Dauphine race for the second time, clinching the eighth stage to take the yellow jersey. from Articles | Mail Online http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/othersports/article-3123660/Chris-Froome-sends-strong-message-rivals-storms-win-Criterium-du-Dauphine-second-time.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490
Imagine having a laugh so infectious, even animals join in on the fun. Taken at what looks to be a kind of farming expo, this interviewee's laugh is so contagious, it managed to get the chickens going. Per Australia's Nine.com.au , the segment is from RTV Noord's Expeditie Grunnen. Mid-interview, the pair begin to laugh and everything just escalates from there. SEE ALSO: Despite health risks, adventurous food lovers are trying raw chicken in Japan In all honesty, this may be the purest video on the internet. WATCH: A farmer's reunion with his animals after Hurricane Harvey will leave you needing tissues Read more... More about Laugh , Culture , Animals , and Web Culture from Mashable http://mashable.com/2017/10/02/chicken-farmer-laughter/?utm_campaign=Mash-Prod-RSS-Feedburner-All-Partial&utm_cid=Mash-Prod-RSS-Feedburner-All-Partial via IFTTT
Periods are normal, but kids pointing them out in their sketches is something else. Australian woman Penny Rohleder shared a photo of her son's drawing on the Facebook page of blogger Constance Hall on Jul. 25, which well, says it all. SEE ALSO: James Corden tests out gymnastics class for his son and is instantly showed up by children "I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed that my 5 year old son knows this," Rohleder wrote. "Julian drew a family portrait. I said 'What's that red bit on me?' And he replied, real casual, 'That's your period.'" Well, at least he knows. To give further context, Rohleder revealed she had pulmonary embolism in October 2016, and was put on blood thinning treatment which makes her periods "very, very bad," she explained to the Daily Mail . Read more... More about Australia , Parenting , Culture , Motherhood , and Periods from Mashable http://mashable.com/2017/07/31/period-mo...
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