Trap #6: You buy into the myth of arrival

novembre 17, 2020

Trap #6: You buy into the myth of arrival

"Once I lose 10 pounds, then I'll go on that Caribbean vacation."

"When I get that promotion, I'll make time to go back to the hobbies I've stopped."

"Someday I'll be in a bigger place, and then I'll finally have people over."

"Once I go back to school and finish my degree, I'll be confident enough to date again."

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you? This is the myth of arrival in action. The idea that once you get to a certain point in your life, other things will automatically follow and only then will you really begin living.

The myth of arrival is a dangerous trap not only because it postpones your happiness, but because it subtly gets you to believe something very, very toxic: that right now, you are not measuring up — that you are not enough.

In fact, you are absolutely enough. Already. Right now. You are worthy of enjoyment and fulfillment, right now.

When you tell yourself that certain things will happen in the future and then your real life will begin, you are giving up the control in getting to choose to live your life right now in the way you want. You are making yourself feel that you are not deserving of the things that you look forward to — that you aren't a good enough person yet. That when you "arrive" at that point, then they will fall into place.

But there is no arriving in life. This is your real life right now. And life is constantly in flux, with positives and negatives and unfinished business.

Take Action:

Today, tell yourself "I am already enough." Even if you find yourself disagreeing or putting conditions on it, even if the words feel uncomfortable or untrue. You only have one life and one today, and no one else has the opportunity to live this life you have. It is yours alone, and you have full rights to it. You are already enough.

Follow this up with a thought about what you have put off, not in terms of tasks (like we talked about with the clean slate), but in terms of enjoyment or fulfillment. What have you decided you are not ready for? What have you imagined will fall into place at some magical future time? Why aren't you pursuing it now instead?

Up next: All the ways we screw up goal-setting.

In the meantime, if you have questions or news about your progress in this challenge, I host a live weekly anonymous chat online on Tuesdays at 1 PM EST here. Feel free to drop in! You can also find me on Facebook. —Dr. Andrea Bonior