Published by | | | | My mother, Sarah, keeps strange hours. My sisters and I joke that she's nocturnal, often up through the night grading papers or cooking for neighbors. From her bedroom in Kentucky, she often calls me during these late-night hours — with updates on family, or, in recent months, deeper conversations about policing, religion, mental illness. When our eyelids start to droop, one of us interjects, "Well, I better get off here." This closeness wasn't always the case. She had me at 42, and the years between us often felt like a gulf of irreconcilable experiences and values. I'm lucky that the pandemic brought balance to our once-volatile relationship, but this tension has often made Mother's Day complicated for me, like it is for so many people. As the United States approaches our second pandemic Mother's Day, we wanted to explore this complexity. In the following excerpts, mothers and daughters tell us how this time of crisis has altered their relationships. Responses have been edited for length and clarity. | Karen Zalmanek, 57Colorado Springs | | | Carol Stanton, left, and Karen Zalmanek in Colorado Springs in 2016. (Family photo) | Before: I was close to my mom, Carol. We spoke often and saw each other at least once a week. She taught me to read, bake, give gifts, write thank you notes, camp and fill out job applications. She taught me to be kind, generous and compassionate. We didn't always get along, sometimes weren't very nice to each other, but we always found our way back to one another. Now: My mom died on March 13, 2020. She was the first confirmed covid death in Colorado. The world turned upside down after that. I had my first Mother's Day, birthday and Christmas without her this year, and the way I missed her left me breathless. Nothing prepares you for a world without your mother in it.
| Jennesy Herrera, 24Savannah, Ga. | | Jennessy Herrera, left, and Evelyn Herrera in Savannah, Ga., in 2019. (Family photo) | Before: Before the pandemic, my relationship with my mother, Evelyn, was very standard. She's a traditional Dominican mother, and I'm her progressive American daughter, so things could be rocky when I was growing up. But it seemed like we learned to tolerate each other so we could care for each other as we believe family should. This was especially true after I moved out of state for university. Now: I always knew my mother was a strong woman, but I don't think she realized that I adopted her strength until the pandemic. I think she's learning how to love me as an individual because she doesn't have to actively care for me like her child anymore.
| Stephanie Yang, 43San Francisco | | Barbara Yang, left, and Stephanie Yang on a plane to Taiwan in 2016. (Family photo) | Before: My mother, Barbara, and I have always been close, talking to each other on the phone at least once a week given the one-hour distance that separates us. Now: After moving back into my parents' house for a few months during the pandemic to help them stay safe (from both the virus and anti-Asian attacks), my mom and I shared daily walks around the nearby schoolyard, sharing our deepest thoughts about life, love, marriage and death. Long after my mom passes, I'll always remember this time we had together and how strong of a connection we formed. | | | | Three need-to-know stories | | (Carolyn Van Houten/The Washington Post; Lily illustration) | 01.Biden announced his $1.8 trillion "American Families Plan" — which would dramatically expand education, safety net programs and paid family leave — during his first address to a joint session of Congress on Wednesday. One hundred days into Biden's presidency, Lily reporter Anne Branigin checked in with advocates and experts to evaluate his performance on women's issues. 02.India's catastrophic coronavirus crisis is worsening, now accounting for more than 1 in 3 reported cases in the world. People of Indian descent around the world are watching desperately from afar, and some are mobilizing aid. "I am filled with guilt," writes Rani Neutill in a perspective piece for The Lily. 03.In a new book, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) is reflecting on her failed bid for the presidency. Known for her steely confidence, she offers a rare glimpse of dashed hopes in "Persist," to be published in early May. A copy of the book was obtained by The Washington Post. | | | | | A story to make you smile | | (Courtesy of Leticia Flores-Gonzalez) | In early December, 4-year-old twins Gianella and Luna sent Christmas wish lists to Santa via red balloons from their home in Kansas. One of those balloons found its way to Alvin Bamburg in Shreveport, La., more than 500 miles away. Bamburg, a father himself, sat on his finding for a few weeks before posting about it on Facebook. Within 24 hours, he was able to locate the twins' mother, Leticia Flores-Gonzalez. Soon, Bamburg's discovery led to the girls receiving everything from their Christmas list — including a puppy — and a new extended family. "There's so much depression, so much sadness going on. Some people are losing their families because of this pandemic," Flores-Gonzalez tells Lateshia Beachum in The Washington Post. "This gives us hope there's so many wonderful people still on this Earth." | | | | But before we part, some recs | | Rachel OrrDesign editor, The LilyWhat I'm doing to relax:Taking a nightly bath. This has become such a relaxing ritual. I love that it can be a choose-your-own adventure: Am I feeling bubbles? Epsom salt? Do I want to read or just watch TikToks? Anything goes. How I'm approaching food:I'm learning about intuitive eating. If you haven't heard of it, it focuses on nurturing your body and following your instincts. I'm making my way through this workbook by the two women who founded the concept. How I'm moving my body:Dancing for my workouts. I first discovered Emily Thorne on TikTok, and I'm so glad I did. She creates free, short, HIIT-style dance workouts on her YouTube channel, EMKfit. A couple of my favorites are her Queens of Rap and '90s Dance Club Hits workouts. | | | | |
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