Must I Donate a Kidney to My Awful Brother?

What's my ethical responsibility?

My only sibling, an older brother, is facing kidney issues and may need a donor. I dread receiving a call asking me to fill that role.

When we were quite young, he regularly beat me up, switching to emotional bullying when I was about 11. My parents never thought to intervene. As we got older, distance helped us eventually get along. But in our 50s, when I announced I was marrying, he bullied our mom into rewriting her will to ensure, should I predecease him, that my future stepson would not inherit any of the estate: He would get it all. When settling the estate some years later, he went after more than was justified and showed a marked lack of trust in me. I really don't think any of his behavior was intentionally malicious — just what he felt he deserved or needed for his own safety. At that point I had enough and stopped interacting with him, except for birthday cards. I've politely laid out my feelings in a letter; he eventually acknowledged he may have made "some errors." But that's about it.

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What's my ethical responsibility? If it were one of my close cousins needing a kidney, I would most likely be fine with it. But for someone who has never been able to provide, undoubtedly because of his own childhood trauma(s), a "normal" brotherly relationship, I think this would raise old feelings of being his victim.

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