Must I Donate a Kidney to My Awful Brother?

What's my ethical responsibility?

View in browser|nytimes.com Continue reading the main story January 15, 2022 Illustration by Tomi Um The Ethicist Must I Donate a Kidney to My Awful Brother? The magazine's Ethicist columnist on what you owe to a sibling who didn't treat you right and how to handle a potential bullying situation at your child's school. By Kwame Anthony Appiah My only sibling, an older brother, is facing kidney issues and may need a donor. I dread receiving a call asking me to fill that role. When we were quite young, he regularly beat me up, switching to emotional bullying when I was about 11. My parents never thought to intervene. As we got older, distance helped us eventually get along. But in our 50s, when I announced I was marrying, he bullied our mom into rewriting her will to ensure, should I predecease him, that my future stepson would not inherit any of the estate: He would get it all. When settling the estate some years later, he went after more than was justified and showed a marked lack of trust in me. I really don't think any of his behavior was intentionally malicious — just what he felt he deserved or needed for his own safety. At that point I had enough and stopped interacting with him, except for birthday cards. I've politely laid out my feelings in a letter; he eventually acknowledged he may have made "some errors." But that's about it. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT What's my ethical responsibility? If it were one of my close cousins needing a kidney, I would most likely be fine with it. But for someone who has never been able to provide, undoubtedly because of his own childhood trauma(s), a "normal" brotherly relationship, I think this would raise old feelings of being his victim. Read the Ethicist's response here. Subscribe Today We hope you've enjoyed this newsletter, which is made possible through subscriber support. 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