Tommy Tuberville Opposes Contraception and All Other Polysyllabic Words
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Explaining his vote against birth control last week, Senator Tommy Tuberville said on Tuesday that he opposes contraception and all other words with more than one syllable. “I saw that word ‘contraception’ and that was a quick ‘no’ vote for me,” the Alabama lawmaker said. “Don’t know what that means. Won’t look it up.” Proud of his consistent opposition to polysyllabic words, Tuberville said, “Immigration. Education. Vaccination. No, no, no.” The senator said, however, that he would continue supporting one-syllable words such as guns and oil. Summarizing his position, he said, “Short words good. Long words bad.” Ask Me Anything……and I’ll answer your questions on Sunday’s episode of The Borowitz Report Podcast. Submit your questions in the comment section below. |
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