An Important Message From George Soros
An Important Message From George Soros
Dear fellow far-left radical lunatic, Hi! It’s me, billionaire liberal puppet-master, George Soros. I’m writing to apologize to you. Many of you participated in the first two No Kings marches because, as Fox News reported, I offered to pay you for attending. As you may have noticed, you never received a check from me. I can explain. You see, when I originally made my offer, I had no idea that millions and millions of you would march. I’m rich, but I’m not that rich. Just paying every member of Antifa would have sent me to the poorhouse. They may be anarchists, but they don’t work for free. Anyhoo: as a token of my appreciation, I want to make you aware of an offer that’s even better than a check from me. In honor of No Kings Day this Saturday, The Borowitz Report is offering a whopping 58% off paid subscriptions. For only $30, you’ll get a full year of all the premium benefits of a TBR paid subscription, including The Sunday Read, TBR Book Club, The Andy Borowitz Show podcast, and the ability to participate in the comments section and live chats. And speaking of live chats, there will be an amazing one this Saturday as TBR community members take to the streets for No Kings. It’ll begin early in the morning and last all day. It’s the perfect way to share your protest experiences with the TBR community around the world. This special subscription offer is only good through Saturday, so if you’ve ever considered becoming a paid TBR subscriber, now is an excellent time. The best part? This super-low price will be locked in for as long as you subscribe, and you can cancel at any time. In closing: you might wonder, how did I, George Soros, become a billionaire? By taking advantage of terrific offers like this, that’s how! Sincerely, George
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