I Opened My Marriage. All Hell Broke Loose.

Thursday, March 05, 2026

Ever read a story that kept getting wilder and wilder? The kind in which one detail makes you raise an eyebrow, then the next makes you raise both eyebrows, and then at the next you practically raise your entire forehead? Well, this week's installment of our Secret Lives of Men series is exactly that kind of story. We assigned Esquire contributor Rosael Torres-Davis to find and interview a "performative male," someone who weaponizes emotional intelligence to seduce women. Not only did she find one—she found one with a particularly wild story. Read it below.

– Chris Hatler, deputy editor

Plus:

I Opened My Marriage, Then Started Dating One of My College Students. It Nearly Cost Me Everything.

She and I told ourselves we were consenting adults, and we were. What I didn't consider was that my authority as a professor remained, even though the semester was over.

Years ago, after my wife and I first opened our relationship, I dated a student 12 years younger than I was. It began after she was no longer in my class, in that gray area professors like to pretend is ethically clean. She and I told ourselves we were consenting adults, and we were. What we did not say was that my authority had not evaporated just because the semester had ended.

It was brief, intense, and secret. I buried it carefully and continued to build the rest of my life on top of it. Recently, she resurfaced in my life, no longer a student but a professional living in the same city. She reached out casually, and I felt something in me spark. Not romance exactly, but a thrill. My wife did not know that I had already crossed that line years ago. I kept a lot of things to myself in the beginning of our open arrangement. As far as she understood, this was a former student I'd once found interesting, nothing more. I said that if anything were to happen now, it would be different. Transparent, consensual, and ethical.

My wife did not answer immediately. It took a minute to get her there. I stayed calm. Reasonable. I made it sound like growth. Eventually, half-heartedly, carefully, she said it was okay.

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