Trump’s “Major Address” Made No Sense

Wait, is he escalating the war, declaring victory, or building a new ballroom atop a peak in the Alborz Mountains? I couldn't tell.

View in Browser  Thursday, April 02, 2026 So, Trump gave a speech last night. It was … something. First he rattled off the durations of different wars. Then he said the U.S. was going to bring Iran "back to the Stone Ages, where they belong," which doesn't really mean what he thinks it does. In times like this, I turn to Esquire political columnist Charles P. Pierce to make sense of the insanity. Read his dispatch on the president's latest verbal expulsion below.   — Chris Hatler, deputy editor Plus: Trump's plan to end birthright citizenship isn't going so well The best smart water bottles and hydration trackers Tim Cook (still) believes in crazy ideas Trump's "Major Address" Made Absolutely Zero Sense Wait, is he escalating the war, declaring victory, or building a new ballroom atop a peak in the Alborz Mountains? I couldn't tell. The president gave what was billed as "a major address" to the nation Wednesday night concerning his war with Iran. Of course, this was a deadly serious topic. And, of course, the president delivered the rhetorical equivalent of a carnival chicken who does math—except that most of those chickens are very enthusiastic about their work. The president sounded as though his tongue was made of pig iron. And it was completely unclear whether he was escalating the war, declaring victory in the war, or building a new ballroom atop a peak in the Alborz Mountains. Perhaps the strangest moment came when he defended his little excursion by comparing its length of time to other American wars. READ THE STORY The January 6 crazies are back. Now they're suing the cops who tried to stop them. Charles P. Pierce unpacks this new crackpot lawsuit. >> It's the age-old question: roll with your hair loss, or try to do something about it? We can't answer it for you, but Bryn Gelbart did just run down the best laser hair growth devices. >> 41 Genius Travel Products That'll Make Every Trip Better Whether you're flying somewhere new and fun for summer vacation, doing a weeklong grind for a work trip, or piling into the car for a family road trip, traveling can be ... a lot. That's why the prep work is so important; a few key products can make your trip much smoother. Even easier? Shopping your full packing list on Amazon.   For a general overnight trip, there are some things you can all but guarantee you'll need. A bag to carry your stuff. Probably some noise-canceling headphones and definitely a reusable water bottle so you're not forced to spend $12 on airport Dasani. For longer trips, you might need a solid suitcase, a garment bag, and TSA-approved toiletry bags. By Esquire Editors What I've Learned: Arsenio Hall Today, everybody who has a roof has a show. Maybe CBS won't let you do it, but you can do it in your crib or in a little studio. I'm the only one that doesn't have a talk show now. My dad didn't want me to come to Hollywood. He wanted me in the family business—a preacher. The best lesson my dad taught me, I hate to say it, but it comes from the Bible. I'm not the motherfucker to fuck with, but I try very hard to be kind, to treat people as I want to be treated. Do unto others. As Told To Michael Sebastian Follow Us Unsubscribe | Manage Preferences | Privacy Notice | CA Notice at Collection Esquire is a publication of Hearst Magazines. ©2026 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. This email was sent by Hearst Magazines, 300 West 57th Street, New York, NY 10019-3779